Sex is a hot topic at the moment. Time Out is conducting their 2013 London sex survey and everyone is still reading the 50 Shades of Grey, so sex is officially back on the book shelves and people are admitting to reading it and even reading it openly on the tube.
We never cease to be fascinated by sex, how many times do others do it, how do they do it, how often, what’s normal and what’s ‘weird.’
Some see sex as only something sacred between a couple that love each, and some see that it can be a recreational activity, that one does for fun with whoever they feel like doing it with at the time.
Sex can mean different things to people in different stages of their lives. Before you have sex for the first time, you;re desperate to do it all the time and then apparently when you have kids you actually have to schedule a day in the week to do it on (Wednesday is the best time for Business time, usually).
One couple did an experiment where they had sex everyday for a whole year, which does seem a bit tiring to be fair.
I’m still trying to figure sex out. People often don’t feel comfortable talking about sex, even though we all know that’s how we are here, but there is a lot of taboo around it. Some people don’t even think that sex should be discussed at all, it’s completely private and so it should stay.
But, are we just making a bigger deal out of it than we need to, is it just a kind of relaxing activity, a bit like a massage, that we should enjoy when we can and not make too much of it? Or should it be only with someone special, who we love and are committed to?
I guess everyone will have their own idea about this, and that also depends on which stage of life you are in, if you’re in a relationship or not. I mean what’s wrong with having some casual sex with someone if you’re single? Or what’s wrong with having an open relationship if that’s what you both (presuming there are only two of you) want?
Some people argue that actually having an open relationship is more natural than being committed to only one person. Hardly any animal is monogamous, so why should humans be? Is it only through our socialisation and religious influence that we now accept monogamy as the standard way of having a relationship?
The only problem with having sex recreationally though, is the fact that it can cause pregnancy and bring you STDs, that’s why probably most religions advocate sex only after marriage, as it usually prevents from having single mothers and children with unknown fathers. And in the past when contraception didn’t exist, sex before marriage was definitely risky business.
Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, says that no sex is casual sex. When we have sex, we release hormones which attach us to that person, so we get attached to them whether we want to or not, this is presumably nature’s clever trick so that when a child is born the couple actually want to stay together to raise it. Interestingly, while both men and women get these attachment hormones, women have more of them, so they are more likely to get attached then men are. That would explain the many cases of people hooking up with someone who’s completely unsuited for them just to have sex and then ending up in a relationship with them (blame the hormones) and also why men (it is said) enjoy having casual sex more then women do, because they are less likely to get attached.
In some cultures polygamy and polyandry is normal. In one Buddhist culture, any living arrangement is accepted. There are some couples who are polygamous, polyandrous, homosexual or whatever, and no one judges them, it’s just a case of do whatever works for you, then that’s fine.
Personally I think sex can be both, a recreational activity, or can provide an amazing spiritual connection, which means you have to obviously be connected to the other person emotionally and mentally and not only physically.
Sex can be a way of reaching ecstasy, not just in the physical sense but in a transcendental sense. Some spiritual practices, like tantric sex, place emphasis on sex as a spiritual vehicle. It is said that man and woman are always seeking a connection with each other through sex, because they can never be fulfilled until they do. They are two separate pieces of a whole and can only attain union, physical and spiritual through connecting.
But perhaps I’m just reading too much into it. Perhaps sex is just physical and it’s meant to ensure our survival as a species, so we have to like doing it, otherwise we’d die out, like eating, it’s pleasurable (sometimes) and it’s necessary for our survival.
However for me casual sex is a bit like eating a big tub of ice cream in one sitting. It night feel good when you are doing it, but leaves you feeling empty afterwards. While casual sex might be fun, sex with someone you love and are committed to is even more fun and unlike casual sex, it creates a real meaningful connection in every sense for the couple involved.
And what to do if you’re not getting any at the moment? Try meditating, science has now confirmed that meditation is even better than an orgasm. That’s why they say great spiritual leaders can be celibate, they can reach ecstasy without having sex, they reach it through their spiritual practices, including meditation. That must also explain why I love meditating so much.
I don’t know about you, but I’m off to meditate now…
Peace and love